Here's a moment between Olivia-Grace and myself, where I'm fitting her into the new car seat. We talk to her as much as we can, and thankfully she listens.
I'm happy to show off her smile for the world to see. It melts her daddy's heart, and I live for it.
Sorry about the bad camera work, but I can't take my eyes off her, and that means sometimes the picture isn't very well centered.
These are the moments that make me happy to be a parent, and these are the moments everyone says you get to experience - the moments you hear about from friends, or on television, or from your parents reminiscing about raising their own children.
But in reality, there's an entirely different side to parenting that is rarely discussed.
Don't misunderstand what you're about to read - I love my little girl more than I thought I could ever love someone. I laugh when she laughs, and I hurt when she feels pain.
But no one talks about sleepless nights or the strain that a baby can put on a marriage. A marriage is hard work - and with a baby, it becomes that much more difficult.
You don't hear about how your life stops because you can't find 20 minutes to mow the yard because the baby won't let you lay them down long enough, and both you and your partner have a job with opposite work hours so you don't have to spend $200 a week on a babysitter.
Consequently, you rarely hear that it can cost $200 or more per week for a babysitter.
You never hear that when a mother breastfeeds, it's a job in itself - and it can be painful.
When your baby hurts - you hurt. Rational people understand that crying is a part of raising a child and can handle it - but when she gets gas pains and cries in what appears to be utter agony, or receives shots while in your arms and you can't take the pain away, there's no worse feeling in the world.
And there's the concern about her future. Everyone believes their children can be President some day; or a doctor. But the reality is, they can become alcoholics, deal with mental illness, or make bad decisions that affect them for the rest of their lives.
But every decision we make can affect the person she becomes. While there's certainly a scary side to every decision, I trust the decisions my wife and I make will be in the best interest of our daughter.
Thankfully, there's a rewarding side.
You leave work as early as possible to speed home and look into your baby's eyes. Each day, she does something else that impresses me and offers hope for what she can become.
You live with a camera to catch every moment so you'll have something to show anyone who's willing to look.
You watch her sleep because you can't take your eyes off her. And watching my wife get joy from my daughter is priceless and makes me love them both more and more.
And also, because of late-night feedings, you learn to love late-night TV; Roseanne is on all night.
We're trying our very best, which is probably why it can be so exhausting.
Recently, on a plane to Texas, Olivia-Grace cried while in the air. We did everything we could to stop her, hoping not to disturb the other passengers, but for a bit, she was inconsolable. While we were walking off the plane, a man put his hand on my shoulder and said, "It'll get better."
That calmed me. After feeling like we were disturbing every passenger on the plane, someone else understood - and he wasn't upset that our baby's crying made it difficult to watch his movie or read his book.
Then I remembered a conversation I had with a lady who was checking us in for that flight, just before leaving town. I mentioned my concerns and she said, "You can't worry about that. If they get upset, they probably don't have kids."
Touché.
I told Rebecca that I feel like we joined a new club where only parents are members. We've certainly noticed a difference in the world.
Some friends have disappeared.
Conversations with others who have kids of their own seem different, and it's unexplainable. People with kids - specifically complete strangers - seem to offer a nostalgic smile or compassionate gesture, while others who have yet to have children of their own appear sincerely happy for us, but understandably do not comprehend the life-altering experience parents go through.
I can't expect they would.
But that's what makes having children worth every second - and the positives far outweigh the negatives, but for some reason, the dark side is never discussed. Maybe people are worried they'll be perceived as bad parents, but in reality, it's no walk in the park.
If I'm the only father who's felt this way, so be it - I'm still gonna raise my daughter the best I can, and pray that when I look back, we have a person we can be proud of.
